In The Throes Of My 20s

 

Wake up, go to work, come back, sleep. The days feel all the same, and I wonder — is this everything about life? Or is it just my life that is like this? I recently completed university, and it changed my perspective on life. Well, not necessarily the completion of school, but I think the nature of my work and the company I am working with changed my perspective.

so, it has always been like this…

Go to school, get good grades, get a job….and your life will be sorted

From the start of life, we are told what to do and how to do it to survive and be happy in this life. But the question is … How many people get true fulfillment implementing this formula?

Perhaps a few lucky ones will tell you , “yes, it works: education is the key to success”. Well, I might not be able to tell you the number of people who have succeeded in life solely by going to school and getting good grades. However, the unemployment rate in my country can suggests that there is more to survival than just schooling and getting good grades.

Maybe I am not the smartest person to tell you what matters in the phases of your life, but I can be the person to tell you the blunt truth about the transitions that come with being in your twenties — exploration, growth, and figuring things out, whether it’s your personal identity, your career, or your relationships, without sugarcoating anything. I say this not because I have lived through all my twenties — I’m still in the early stage — but because I’ve heard many comrades telling me how to live my life without clear roadmaps for their own lives.

I’m not here to tell you what matters in your twenties, but I suggest you focus on the following key areas while navigating your early twenties:

Focus On Yourself Not Others

Recently, I encountered someone who openly discusses every aspect of people’s lives — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Whether it’s critiquing your hairstyle, commenting on your attire, or even correcting your grammar, she seems to have an opinion on everything, as if she possesses comprehensive knowledge on all subjects. Interestingly, I seem to like her character, so I started learning about her, and I realized we’ve a parallel effect psychologists call ‘Dunning-Kruger’ — a cognitive preconception in which people with low ability in a particular area tend to overestimate their own skill or insight in that area and vice versa. This idea occurs because individuals lacking competence in a certain domain may lack the ability to accurately assess their own performance, leading them to mistakenly believe they are more competent than they actually are.

Well, knowing this about her wasn’t a surprise to me, but rather gave me a thought on how we lack people who study themselves, focusing instead on proving they are not wrong.

I know this is a weird thing to say, but whether it’s true or false, or whether you like it or not, you can never be on the same phase with your colleagues at the exact same time in life.

Maybe I am not making sense to you, but take a look around you — some of your friends are already earning twice as much as you are right now. Some are married and have kids. Some are living their dream of traveling around the world.

Lol… In your own eyes, it seems everyone around you is doing better in life than you currently are, and you ask yourself — when! lol

see, let me tell you a secret.

Seeing people succeed in their field does not automatically make you a failure in your field; it’s only telling you the different pathways to a destination

Your 20s are not about proving anyone wrong or showcasing that you know better than a colleague at work, or where you think you should be at a certain age. They are about finding yourself.

Teach Yourself What you weren’t taught in School

Schooling is not important; education is. Argue all you want, but this statement is legitimate. If I ask you to mention one name in Ghana who succeeded without formal education, many might quickly mention a name like “Osei Kwame Despite” because he has never attended any higher learning institution, yet he amassed a fortune for himself. Well said, but it’s incorrect to say he has no education.

Education is not synonymous with schooling; rather, it is the acquisition of knowledge and skills that excel in real-life situations. Schooling is just one pathway to reach that destination. That’s why many people graduate from school without possessing essential life skills — how to make money, how to invest in stocks, how to save wisely, how to maintain relationships, how to speak effectively, how to eat healthily, and so on. These are things they don’t teach in school, yet they are basic survival skills in life. Being in school doesn’t exempt you from learning these things.

Come to think of it, if the ultimate goal of schooling is to secure a well-paying job, why don’t they teach us how to make money in the classroom?

All I’m trying to convey is that there are many things you should have learned a long time ago, but since no one else taught you, you’ll have to teach yourself. Take online classes if necessary, learn to cook, improve your public speaking skills, learn how to dress appropriately, and attend conferences and trainings that will enhance your cognitive abilities. 

Just be intentional about learning

 Love yourself

There’s something I learned early in this unstable and shifting world that has helped me greatly when it comes to accepting oneself, and that is: ‘Whatever you give your energy to magnifies.’

I used to be very offended whenever someone called me ‘smallish’ — ‘Akiti’ in my local dialect. But it got to a point where I realized those people were not entirely wrong because I am indeed small in stature, and there is nothing I can do to change that. So, I had a choice: to accept myself as I am or live in grandiose delusion.

Now, we’ve reached a point where women are more fixated on body posture and adiposity — they want to be small today, big tomorrow, curvy the next. But nobody can make you what you are not. So, love yourself the way you’re supposed to be loved.

Maybe nothing matters in your twenties. Maybe everything does. But all I will say is that there is no formula or right way to live your life. Use the early phase of your twenties to explore what you truly want from life and embrace it without being influenced by societal pressures.